What I have to say...

Yes, it's official, I'm a college Graduate. I  just got the email informing me that my degree is posted online and will be ready for pick up really soon!!!

After years of dealing with Hunter and it's professor's I'm finally done!

Now what? Off to grad school? I'm not sure anymore. I'm not sure if I want to continue down this path. When I first started College, and way before- I had decided to be an accountant. Once I started to attend the classes I began to hate it and changed my major to sociology- the easy way out of college I guess...

Now that I'm finally done I wish I could've stuck with my original plan. I want to go back to school to pursue my Accounting degree and eventually get my MBA... That's my goal- so in September I will beginning to take the business classes I need to eventually get into a Business Grad School- YAAYYY!!

Yea Chichi, now you have someone to study for the GMAT with!!!

Yea yea I know, it doesn't officially end until Sept 21, and doesn't unofficially end until Labor Day, but it's done for me. I'm working for the rest of the remaining weekends, definitely working on Labor day and actually I might as well start working like crazy so that I can start saving up for Christmas- yea I said it CHRISTMAS!!!

Oh man, the thought of christmas- besides the thousands I will spend on presents- I love it. I can't wait to put my beautiful tree up- even though I don't know where it will fit this year. I can't wait to spend time with my family. I CAN'T WAIT!!!

So, I'm up to my third week of Salsa classes- LOVIN' IT!!! I'll admit, I'm not the most coordinated person, nor do I have the most rhythm, but I'm loving it. Thats the little bit of exercise I've been getting these passed few weeks. Yup- you read right, I haven't exercised, I haven't started training for my run- I probably won't even do the half marathon, I think it's too late to even start training. I gained about 7 pounds this past week!!! Its these too bad boys that I have to get out of my life, Ben and Jerry. The affair needs to end- soon.

So, at this point in my blog I guess my readers are expecting something deep from me. ummm, not today. lol

I have been thinking about  a few things, but I'm not sure if its appropriate to address them now.

One thing I can address is the question I asked before- When are you really ready to move on with your life? Move on to someone new.

I mean, I can argue on either side of the argument.  I won't do that now. That's a whole other blog.

hmm, there's something else I need to mention and get deep into some other time- when is it time to cut the umbilical cord. I'm talking about mom's just letting their children grow up on their own (whole other blog)

BUT-if u have something to say about the matter before I blog about it, then go right ahead...

Until next time...

I'm finally leaving work, what a long freaken day- tomorrow will be worse.

So I'm finally working on fixing my house. This will give me something to do that will help me keep my mind off of what I'm lacking...
So I decided to use the colors that my almighty Feng shui book suggested- blue and brown.

Feng Shui attack!!!

The three reasons we subject ourselves to freaken torture. The reasons why we sometimes feel like we should settle for less than what we deserve, because we're afraid of being alone. We grow up in a society where we are raised to believe that finding a perfect partner is or should be your purpose in life (just read chichi's statement she used to get into Carnegie Mellon). We were raised- especially in the hispanic culture, that we should hurry up and find the man that can help support us and our family- then whenever feasible, start popping kids. So of course when this doesn't happen by the age of 25 we begin to feel like something is wrong- with us? with men? Who knows but something is definitely missing.

So how do we get rid of this feeling of emptiness? How do we get read of this mentality that has been inbedded in us? How do we put everything that's stored in our mind through a monster shredder and just forget it all- without having to get some real bad injury to the head that causes us to lose part of our memory?

Ay- whatever- Here's to forgetting what I've been taught to believe. Here's to not wanting to live the fairytale that I love to watch or read about. Here's to starting over (when is comes to love).

Easier said than done...

I still have another question that needs to be answered- When is it right When are you really ready to move on with your life?

What goes around comes around; Everything happens for a reason; Life goes on...

Who else is tired of these commonly used cliches. Yet I can't help to apply them to my every day life.

• So What goes around comes around- I think about this everything things don't go my way. When I don't get what I want (which doesn't happen often). I can't help but think that someone is now making me suffer for something that I did in the past. This is one cliche that I've found myself repeating lately. I must've been so fucked up to a lot of people and things are coming back to me now. I somewhat figured this would happen eventually- Karma's a bitch- I know this first hand now.
• Everything happens for a reason... What the EFFF is the reason? I think I'm pretty good at looking at things in a positive light, I can always find a reason for things happening- I'm running out of excuses for the stupid decisions that I make or the fucked up shit that happens.
• Life goes on... I know, but it sucks when you feel like things that are happening to you are happening for a reason- the reason is Karma, payback, revenge.

Well, the wind has now been taken from my sails, more like a punch in the stomach that has left me winded.

I just have to learn how to deal with things like this- matters of the heart.

Start using my logical brain rather than my emotional and vulnerable heart.

So, I finally started taking salsa classes. This is something that I think I've wanted to do for years-Every time I went out and saw someone really show off on the dance floor I always said "Damn, I  need to take lessons" So here goes. I'm sooooo excited!! 

I'm also back at the gym, I took a break for a few months--But I NEEEEED to go back. So yea, I'm gonna try the running thing more and make it sort of a routine. Future goal- The NYC Marathon...

This is the first time in a long time that I will not be in school and need something to occupy my time, so why not concentrate on living a healthier lifestyle- I'm pretty sure that will make me just a little more pleasant to deal with and help me maintain a balanced and positive outlook on life. I truly believe working out helps ease the mind...

So, it's been brought to my attention that I seem very indifferent about almost everything (yea I'm talking about you!!). I know I come across like I don't care too much, or it's just that I over analyze just about everything, so I can come up with arguments as to why things can go one way or another. I think it's because I was sooo negative for such a long time, and tried to change my outlook on life but without coming across as a flake or an airhead- I know things can't be perfect, but I also believe that when things look like they can't get any worse you can always try to find a silver lining. Which would explain my "To be or not to be" way of thinking. There's still a part of me that will see the most messed up part of something- but I can also appreciate the not-so-messed up aspects.

Something else that has been mentioned to me... Pros and Con's list.. I'm pro-Lists. lol I think when ever things start to get a little crazy I have to write things down and actually see it on paper. That's just when things get a little hectic though... I definitely have never put myself on a list- but maybe I should. As much as I am self-conscious-- very very self-conscious- I still believe I'm a hot commodity ;-) lol. jk jk.  I always said I had to work on my Resume- not for a job, but to look at everything that I actually have to offer- Now that I have the time and am planning on starting over, I think I will start working on that.

 Sooooo, I started work super early today (6am)- I'm working an extra 8 hrs (gotta make that money), I went to the gym already. Let's hope I can make it till the end of the day(11pm).. ttyl 

Went to my friend's house in L.I. today then headed to the beach with her and her family. She has been so blessed with two beautiful children (a boy and a girl- the duo everyone always hopes for), a man that tolerates her and a beautiful home with a while picket fence- Oh I forgot to mention two cute doggies. She's living the American dream, but as I sat there on the beach sipping on some Smirnoff I expressed how much I envied her and her life, she shared the same sentiment. I long for the security she has, and she in turn wishes she had the freedom that I have. I no longer have a young child, I mean she's young but not a toddler. I can pretty much come and go as a please without having to worry about packing enough diapers and snacks for the kids. Isn't that why we were put on this Earth tho? To procreate, live happily ever after with your significant other and build a home and family together?

I want that, eventually. Life isn't about being alone and being able to just come and go as you please like  a nomad.

I'm just speaking dumb now I guess- I know I wrote about this once before, envying other people. Always wanting what the other has. I'm pretty sure if I was in my friend's shoes I would want something different. It just shows how people are just never completely happy with what they have no matter how great it is.

Well, besides the times throughout the day where I would space out and think about how great it would be to have a family and a home in L.I., It was a pretty nice day, I missed my friend dearly... Thanx Jamie.LOVE YA

How do you let go of your past?

Everyone has a past they wish they could just let go, something they wish they could just forget. Unfortunately, or maybe fortunately- our past is what made us who we are today. I've head a pretty sucky past, but I honestly believe that I am a way better person for it. I was stubborn enough to always want to learn things at my own pace, without taking anyone's advice and or following anyone's lead. I have to admit, taking that route caused me to get burned sometimes, to learn things the very very hard way, but I can say, I am happy with the person I am today. Who knows where I would've been, I could've done better, but I could've also done way worse.

So, to let go of my past... To try to move on with my life and work on my future- that's my main concern now. I think it's about that time where I begin to take  the giant leaps that I need to take to accomplish what I want in life.

So, is it necessary to completely let go of your past to move forward? I think it is, and this is where things may get difficult. Where I long to move forward, I can't help but look back- it's more empathy than anything that's holding me back and even then I think I'm still managing to move forward. This is something that I need to do for me. Yes me, I know it sounds selfish, but I came into this world alone and I will probably leave it alone. So,

I am letting go.

Good bye past

I'm trying to practice my spanish.

It's almost embarassing that I'm Dominican and can't speak spanish. I understand it, I'm just afraid of sounding like an idiot when the words come out of my mouth. I need to be able to speak to the elders in my family. So I decided that I will start reading books in spanish or maybe watching novelas. lmao. Anything to help me. Oh yea, my friends can start speaking to me in spanish and make me respond and correct me when I'm wrong... OK?!

Love the One You're With

Emily Giffin

I finally finished it!! It took a while, I began to lose interest in it. Maybe because I had just read Good in Bed right before this one, and I loved that book. It turned out to be a great book. I almost cried, but then again everything makes me almost cry. I loved how this woman, Ellen- She has the perfect life, everything anyone could ever ask for and even she has some doubt and wonders if this is the life she deserves if this is really her destiny. Well, that's how i interpreted it, lol. She had a few choices she had to make, and I won't ruin it for anyone, but I felt like I could understand her indecisiveness... 

I began to read Certain Girls- it's the sequal to Good in Bed, I'm only up to the 4th page and I love it already. It just seems like I can relate to Jennifer Weiner's books.

Well, this week if flying by. I have done a lot of thinking, as usual- BUT this time I have come up with resolutions. I'm deciding to start my life over. Leave the past behind and move forward. This is what I'm doing. All of the people that have managed to stress me out, or make me doubt myself or my life and where it's heading- all those people are out.

Time for a fresh start. So here goes.

thanx Jessie for the Heart to Heart- I needed that. (raising my poland spring in the air) A toast to starting over! Cheers!!

"Love is the sum of our choices, the strength of our commitments, the ties that bind us together"

Emily Griffin